


Losing my mind

by SourwolfSeblaine



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Dalton Academy, Depression, Friendship/Love, M/M, Season 3, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 13:56:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13502957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SourwolfSeblaine/pseuds/SourwolfSeblaine
Summary: Sebastian wants to end it all, but Blaine's there to save him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from "cough syrup" by Young The Giants.

The second Blaine fell on the ground, holding his face and crying in pain, Sebastian knew he fucked up. 

Because it was his fault.

He barely remembers Nick pulling him away. He didn’t want to leave Blaine there, he wanted to hold him, ask him if he was alright. But he couldn’t. He didn’t have the right to. 

The ride back to Dalton was quiet. No one dared to say something. But the looks in their eyes said enough. It was Sebastian’s fault. It always was, always will be.

No one looked at him, nobody said something to him. And he did the same. As soon as they were at Dalton, Sebastian locked himself up in his dorm room. He didn’t eat, he didn’t go to classes. He just sat there, staring at the wall. 

After a few days Nick and Jeff stopped trying to get him out of his room. Trent still tried but didn’t succeed. Sebastian grabbed his earphones and turned the music so loud he didn’t hear anything else. 

But it didn’t stay like that. The longer he locked himself up, the more he wanted to end it all. There was nothing that kept him here. 

It started with one cut. Then another. Every night there were more. And for the first time in weeks he left his room. He went to classes but didn’t pay attention. At the end of the day he locked himself up again.

He stared at the bottle of pills. He could end it all, with that bottle. There was a knock on the door, but he ignored it. He walked to his bathroom, with the bottle in his hand. He opened it and filled a glass with water. He emptied the bottle of pills on his hand and looked at it.

For a while he just stared at himself in the mirror. He looked terrible. His hair was getting longer and was flat against his forehead. There were dark circles around his red eyes. He was sweaty and dirty. He lifted his hand to his mouth.

“Don’t you dare.” 

The voice. The last time he heard that voice, he was screaming in pain.

Blaine. 

Blaine was here.

“Sebastian Smythe, let go of those pills.” Blaine said. Sebastian froze but didn’t look at Blaine. He’s just imagining this. His mind just wants to torture him. 

Blaine is not really here.

He can’t be.

He shouldn’t be.

A soft hand grabbed his and grabbed the pills out of his. Blaine threw them away and looked at the other broken boy. “You shouldn’t be here.” Is the first thing Sebastian said in weeks. His voice sounded broken. 

“Trent called me.” Blaine said and leaded Sebastian back to his messy bedroom. The curtains and window were opened. Sebastian sat back down on his bed while Blaine stared at him. “Were you really… about to end your life?” Blaine asked him. Sebastian stayed silent a few seconds before speaking up. “It’s all my fault.” Is the only thing he said. “Sebas- ““It is. And you know it. I almost blinded you.” He shook his head. “I deserve to die, to suffer.” “No, you don’t Sebastian. I talked to the other Warblers. It was an accident. And I know how you were before the accident. Yes, you were cocky and arrogant. But you were also talented, funny, passionate. And even though you didn’t want to show it, I saw the way you talked and cared about the others.” Blaine told him and squeezed his hand softly. “They were my first friends.” Sebastian confessed. “No one… I was always lonely. No one wanted to be friends with the gay guy, but the Warblers didn’t care.” Sebastian had no idea why he told Blaine this. He still had the feeling that this wasn’t real. That he’d wake up in his dorm room, curtains closed, door locked and no Blaine. 

“I am your friend too, Sebastian.” Blaine said to him. “I still want to be your friend. And I’ll be here if you need to talk, but never… never try that again, okay. You have to promise me that you will never try that again.” “Believe me, after several attempts, it never worked.” Sebastian said, remembering when he still lived in France. “You… You tried this before?” Blaine asked him. Sebastian nodded and flinched when Blaine grabbed his wrist. The curly haired boy noticed and looked at the fresh scars next to the old ones on Sebastian’s wrist. “You’re not alone, Sebastian. I’m here for you. Trent is, Nick and Jeff are. They looked so worried, Bas.” Sebastian felt tired and laid his head on Blaine’s shoulder. “Tired?” Blaine asked him. “Yes.” Sebastian mumbled. He hadn’t slept in weeks, and when he did, he had nightmares. “Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.” Blaine whispers and helped Sebastian lay down. Sebastian curled into Blaine and rested his head on Blaine’s chest. Normally he would never be the little spoon, but this time he needed to be held by Blaine. He needed to hear Blaine’s heartbeat. He fell into a deep sleep.

When he woke up, Blaine was still there as promised. But he wasn’t alone. Trent was sitting on Sebastian’s desk chair. The boys didn’t notice Sebastian waking up and kept talking in soft voices. “Yes, I’ve been thinking about that. But I’m not sure, Trent.” He heard Blaine say. “The only reason you went to McKinley was because of Kurt, he’s going to New York after summer.” Trent said. “We miss you Blaine, and you’re the only one that Sebastian trusts, look at how peaceful and calm he lays in your arms.” “That’s not really true.” Sebastian said, deciding to let them know he was awake. “I trust you, too, Trent.” Sebastian said and sat up. He saw the Warbler smiling at him, but there was still worry in his eyes. “How are you feeling?” Trent asks him. “I’m alright.” Trent nodded and stood up. “I’ll leave you two alone. But I expect both of you to join us for lunch today. The Warblers are all worried about you Sebastian.” He smiled at them and left the room. “Lunch? What time is it?” Sebastian asks Blaine. Blaine looks at his phone. “Ten in the morning. You slept 15 hours. You really needed it.” It’s silent. “Do your McKinley friends know that you’re here? They must be worried.” Sebastian asks him. “Only Rachel knows, she was with me when Trent called. She promised to cover for me.” Sebastian didn’t know what he felt. The girl he bullied helped Blaine help him. He made a mental note to apologize to Rachel. “Thank you, Blaine.” He said. The boy smile at him. “Let’s get you cleaned up, you look terrible.” Blaine says. “Wow, thanks.” The old Sebastian was back. Blaine grinned at him and helped him up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine goes back to Dalton after the summer.

“So, tomorrow is your first day back, Killer.” Sebastian says to Blaine, sitting on Blaine’s bed at the Anderson’s house. Blaine’s parents left to visit family and the two boys were alone. “I know, I’m kind of nervous.” Blaine says, looking in the mirror. He’s trying on his old Dalton uniform. He’s struggling with the tie. Sebastian stands up and does it for him. Blaine looks at Sebastian, who is focusing on the tie. The whole summer he had hung out with Sebastian. Sebastian is getting better, he has been talking to a doctor and it helped. Blaine finally saw the real Sebastian again. Sebastian looked up when he was finished and stared in Blaine’s eyes. 

Blaine broke up with Kurt before summer. He was heartbroken at first but hanging out with Sebastian, and sometimes Trent too, really helped. 

Sebastian still didn’t hide the fact that he liked Blaine. He did hide the fact that he was starting to fall in love with the shorter boy. Blaine wasn’t ready at first, but right now he does what feels right. 

He kisses Sebastian. 

It’s soft and sweet. Something he never expected with Sebastian. Sebastian cupped Blaine’s face and pulled away. “I’ve wanted to do that ever since I saw you at Warbler practise for the first time.” Sebastian says to him and lays his forehead on Blaine’s. Blaine looks in Sebastian’s green eyes and smiles. 

\--

Blaine smiles when he walks into Dalton. A few of his old classmates wave or smile at him when he walks past them. He waves and smiles back but still looks for one face Sebastian.

He found him in the library, talking with Trent. “Yes, I’m sure, Trent.” He hears Sebastian say. “Sure about what?” He asks and sits next to Sebastian. Sebastian puts his arm around Blaine’s waist and smiles at him. “Making you captain of the Warblers.” He answers. “What... no... You’re captain, Bas.” Blaine says to him. “I am. And as captain I say that you’re the new captain. You were the lead last year, and with the council gone now, they need their leader back. And, I’m captain of the lacrosse team now.” Blaine nods. “Okay.” The bell rings and the three guys walk to their classes.

\--

There’s a knock on Sebastian’s dorm room door. He opens it and sees Blaine grinning at him. He lets the curly haired boy in and closes the door. “We should talk… about yesterday.” Blaine says, sitting on Sebastian’s bed. “You don’t regret it, do you?” Sebastian asks him. “No, of course not.” Blaine says and grabs Sebastian’s hand when he sits on his bed next to him. “I liked it. That’s why we should talk.” Blaine tells him and looks at their hands. “I like you Sebastian. I think I’ve always had but that I was afraid of leaving my first love. But when Kurt and I had a fight about you, the day after I stopped you from… you know what,” They hadn’t talked about that day a lot. “He found out why I wasn’t at school and he wasn’t happy about it. I kept defending you, which made him even more mad. I realized that I didn’t love him anymore like I did. It scared me. The next day I saw you and I felt what I used to feel for Kurt.” He looks in Sebastian’s eyes. “I really like you, Bas. And I … do you want to go out on a real date?” He holds his breath, he knows Sebastian isn’t the type to go on dates and have boyfriends. “I’d love to.” Sebastian answers and leans closer. “And I really like you, too, Blaine. And, damn, that was so cheesy.” Blaine laughs and kisses Sebastian. It’s a little different that their first kiss. It’s still sweet but a little less soft. He feels Sebastian’s lips open and their tongues meet. Blaine pulls away and smiles at him. 

Yes, Sebastian thinks. He’s defiantly in love with Blaine.


End file.
